幸福婚姻的8堂课

结了婚才觉得自己孤单...? 那是结婚好还是不结婚好呢?

其实“大多数夫妻是为了错误的理由而结婚”。你一脚踩进婚姻漫长的旅途了吗? 你还是有希望的，只要做点改变，夫妻关系就可以起死回生。

1。驯服自己就能驯夫
为什么婚姻令人觉得孤单呢? 治疗专家认为。多半是因为期待落空的关系。
原本以为伴侶能够满足我们的需求，却没想到只要是向外的需求，都无法令人满足。
其实驯夫应该从“驯服自己”开始。
“我们都为了埋藏在自己内心的问题而惩罚别人。”
事实上，每个人都带着原生家庭的伤口长大的，每个人多少都有些缺憾。
了解创伤的根源，才能达到疗愈的功效。

2。放下对对方的期待
你我都知道人不是十全十美的。你能做到的事不代表别人相同能够做得到。何苦勉强／教你的伴侶如何来爱你呢? 为何不用心来体会他／她对你的爱呢? 那会是一种不同的享受。
只有不断的学习着接受和放下，才能放下对对方的期待。

3。你想得到的，你先给
“你跟对方要什么礼物，就是你要先给出的礼物。”
希望对方给你什么，不妨先给对方，慢慢就会有所转变。
人有种“你愈要我怎样，我偏不怎样”的劣根性。
愈想改变对方，反而愈不容易达成目标。
只要你不再强求，放开你的手，对方感觉如释重负，就比较有兴趣来取悦你。

4。发自内心赞美对方
人是最感性的动物，所以人会感受得到一个人的赞美是真心的或者是假意的。
发自内心的赞美应该是最容易的，如果你是真的爱你的伴侶。
不需刻意或伪装的想要从对方身上得到什么的赞美才是最真实，最贴心的。

5。真正的爱，不会伤痛
最重要的是，女性千万不可陷入牺牲和角色扮演中。
爱是自然的流露，自然的“给”，牺牲的人拼命的付出，却没有空间接受，久了也会筋疲力尽的。
不少人被生活中 “做妻子的应该怎么做，不该做什么，该怎么做 或者做丈夫的应该帮忙包办什么家务事” 的事压得喘不过气，觉得只有自己一个人在付出却没有得到任何回报，频问：“为什么只有我变，对方永远不用改变?”
切记，如果你的改变只是想换来对方的改变，那就会永远没有改变了。
当女人懂得放手后，变得轻松愉快，也让男人知道该怎么做。
不妨给于一些爱的鼓励：“你为我做这些我觉得好幸福。”
万物起头难啊～但还是要继续不断的去做：“任何人都可以用爱灌溉。”

6。再次承诺的魔力
男人最怕，女人最爱！
这也是牵扯到男人与女人的构造的不相同。
男人；直接，用脑和理性来思考，不喜欢重复和做多余的谈话／事情
女人：拐弯抹角，用“心”和感性来思考，喜欢重复和做多余的谈话／事情
简单来说，简直就是两个世界的人，不应该放置在一起。
但是，人的一生，难道那每一天区区的1秒种“再次的承诺”都算是多余的吗?

7。放下尊严，彼此尊敬
女人没男人是不行的。男人没女人也是不成的。（这句话一向来都引起许多纠纷和话题）
不说肉体，其实人要的是那一种心灵上的依靠。互相依靠。
所谓的男女平等，其实根本不存在。请查阅第3点。
“你愈觉得女人一定要靠男人才行，我就愈不靠 ／ 你愈觉得男人一定要靠女人才行，我就愈不靠”。
偏偏，女人往往会发出这样的信息因为在古时，女人是被视为弱者，被踩在男人的脚下。随着时代的改变，女人就誓死要比男人强。
这是社会风气所捏造出来的女人，所以就怪不得女人有这样的概念。
但是，如果你想维持美好的情侶或夫妻关系，无论男女都要放开这伤感情的概念。
在你所爱的人的眼里，你不需要这样辛苦把你的尊严高高褂。

8。复习心动的初衷
忘记了那初次的心动了吗?
碰到令你喜欢的对象，不要发展成外遇，而是应该在心里感谢这个人提醒了你， 你最初对你伴侶的心动，并选择再次跟伴侶承诺，这些他人身上的魅力也会巧妙的转移到伴侶身上。
除非你想出轨，不然你不会让你的心和身体这么做。

Why men don't have a clue & women always need more shoes: Introduction

This book vividly list out all the differences and gulfs between men and women. Why men feel they have to be right about everything? Why do they (typical men) avoid commitment? Why to women insist on talking subject to life and death? Why do they nag? Why do I have to pick up my socks at 10am on a Sunday morning? Interesting topics all you can find between both sexes all the time, aren't they?

In the review, i'll be putting up some "quotes" from the authors and also some quotes which the authors quoted from someone else's.

[A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.]

Nowadays, science can prove why women often 'beat around the bush", want to know fine details about everyone around them and seldom initiate sex. We also know there are revolutionary and biological reasons why men can only do one thing at a time, hate shopping, won't ask directions, want the toilet roll to face out of the wall rather than in and know hardly anything about their friends' personal lives, despite just having spent a whole weekend fishing with them.

In fact, we should refer back over the past generations when men were still hunting for food away from home and women have to be the protector of her family and house. Man was the head of the house. His word was law and his decision-making were clear-cut. Wife, on the other side, was mother, housekeeper, social secretary and carer. Life was simple.

But, things began to change when TV sitcoms came in to show how stupid and incompetent men can be in the face of more intelligent, superior women. The call of equality surfaced. Many women seemed to know what they wanted and where they're going, leaving many men feeling left behind.

[If a woman sslaps a man's face in public, everyone assumes he's in the wrong.]

No offence but i quote this from the book [The definition of a man? A life support system for a penis.]

Women evolved as child-bearers and nest-defenders and, as a result, female brains became hard-wired to nurture, nourish, love and care for the people in their lives. However, men evolved as a hunter, chaser, protector, provider and problem-solver. It makes sense that male and female brains are hardwired for different functions and priorities. Even the scientific research, expecially the high-tech brain scan, confirms this.

Chapter 1: To be continued.....

Why men don't have a clue & women always need more shoes By Allan & Barbara Pease

There's only one sentence needed to accurately describe this book: It really captures women's hearts! If you dont understand your man or any other men out there, get this book if you can. I found out about this book by chance in Japan Airport's bookstore due to its out of ordinary book title. Well, i was hesitating to get the book at first cuz just like every other books, it has The No.1 International Bestseller, which i dont really buy that award myself.